The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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