Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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