she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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