they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
