I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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