I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
