I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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