You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
