someone threw a dead crab at me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
