i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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