just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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