Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
