I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
