at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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