My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
