why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
