google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
