I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
