I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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