Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
