so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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