laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
