You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
