dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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