The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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