I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We left the knife in your bed.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
