THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
