I heard we made out
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
