Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
