my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're a disaster
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