yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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