i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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