i barfeds in our rink
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
