Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
