OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
