like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize