He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
