puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize