She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
