Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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