It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
