We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
