Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
