Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
