My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
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