my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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