Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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