Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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