Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
