FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
