i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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