brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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