the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
