Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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