Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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