It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
