Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
