I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
